Anxious.

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I created this blog just a few weeks before I graduated from college back in 2012. I had big dreams of continuing my passion for writing…and journalism minor…by blogging every week (maybe even every day?!). Unfortunately, life got in the way of that dream. I graduated and haven’t touched the blog since…well until today. I have thought about starting this up many times before but just never got around to it. As I logged onto the abandoned site, I stumbled across my first blog post still in draft mode from April 24, 2012 at 4:04am…

“Anxious.

If I could only choose one word to describe how I feel right now anxious pretty much sums it up. It is a weird feeling to know that in less than a month my whole life will be completely different. All of our lives will be completely different. Four years goes by so slowly yet when I think back, it seems like it happened in the blink of an eye. I am excited to start this new phase of my life but sometimes it feels like I am watching it all happen. I mean, am I really packing up my things and moving to New York City with no friends or family? Is that really my life? But sure enough, I get another e-mail from HR and it reminds me that yes, it really is. I am moving to New York City in 38 days.”

It was a joy to find this small but intimate post, tucked away in the safety of my unpublished blog. As I was reading the brief paragraph, that awkward feeling of anxiety and excitement rushed over me as if I was still a 21-year-old college senior, sitting on my bed at 4 am unable to sleep. But I have to admit, my word of choice about my life right now would probably still be “anxious.” Although I am thankful for my experiences and the opportunities I have had…this is not where I pictured myself almost two years after graduation. There are days when I feel like I have it all together and days when I feel like I am literally drowning.

The feeling I had in my college room, writing out my worries about my future is the same feeling I have quite often in my parent’s house, laying in bed wondering what I should be doing in life. Truthfully, I’m not sure there will ever be an answer to that question which makes the type A personality in me slightly uncomfortable. But finding this secret post brought on a sense of comfort.  Maybe it’s okay to be worried about what I am doing with my life. Maybe it is a sign that I still have ambition. Maybe, just maybe, it’s a sign I am on the right track.

Picture via:http://www.etsy.com/listing/119212086/book-page-dictionary-art-print-poster

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